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Old 01-09-2018, 01:07 AM   #71
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Default Perfect match

More an amusing situation after the event, but many (many) years ago I spent a weekend in bed with a lovely girl getting up to all sorts of things. But we had one problem - every time we tried to fuck, she would scream with pain.

"I'm so sorry about this, but I'm really small and tight and you're quite big. It's bloody frustrating."

I hadn't come across this before, but her lovely twat was indeed tiny. But almost in compensation, she could orgasm quite easily with the lightest of touches. But we just didn't fuck.

A few years later we bumped into each other at a cafe, where she was sitting with a guy, who turned out to be her new husband.

"Wow - so you're married. That's fantastic."

"Yeah - we're just back from our honeymoon actually."

"Oh, that's great. How was it?" I asked, beginning to wonder.

"We went to New Zealand. It was really beautiful," the guy said, just about to sip some coffee.

"Yeah, it was," she agreed, then whispered in my ear "and the fucking was great, too. He has the smallest cock I've ever seen. It's perfect for me."

"What are you whispering?" her husband asked.

"Just about how great your teeny-weeny cock is for my teeny-weeny pussy" she replied, to which half his coffee spluttered out all over the table.
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Old 01-09-2018, 10:39 AM   #72
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Shagging this Japanese women, she said "you came inside me".
Well, duh, we were fucking bare back and I love cream pie as it is one of my fetishes.
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Old 01-09-2018, 10:42 AM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueVelvet View Post
More an amusing situation after the event, but many (many) years ago I spent a weekend in bed with a lovely girl getting up to all sorts of things. But we had one problem - every time we tried to fuck, she would scream with pain.

"I'm so sorry about this, but I'm really small and tight and you're quite big. It's bloody frustrating."

I hadn't come across this before, but her lovely twat was indeed tiny. But almost in compensation, she could orgasm quite easily with the lightest of touches. But we just didn't fuck.

A few years later we bumped into each other at a cafe, where she was sitting with a guy, who turned out to be her new husband.

"Wow - so you're married. That's fantastic."

"Yeah - we're just back from our honeymoon actually."

"Oh, that's great. How was it?" I asked, beginning to wonder.

"We went to New Zealand. It was really beautiful," the guy said, just about to sip some coffee.

"Yeah, it was," she agreed, then whispered in my ear "and the fucking was great, too. He has the smallest cock I've ever seen. It's perfect for me."

"What are you whispering?" her husband asked.

"Just about how great your teeny-weeny cock is for my teeny-weeny pussy" she replied, to which half his coffee spluttered out all over the table.


One of my now ex-regulars, a Thai women with silicone tits (not really my thing) who said she was getting a divorce soon, I though do I care! and suddenly she said "your cock is too big for anal". Very strange indeed.
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Old 01-09-2018, 11:44 AM   #74
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Big Grin Nice one kitty.

My cat puked on my girlfriends dress, which she had thrown on the floor.
Nice. She didn't laugh. I did. He never did like her.
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Old 02-24-2018, 10:08 PM   #75
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Woke up licking my gfs pussy
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Old 01-11-2019, 08:16 PM   #76
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About when I was 15-16 I was banging my thumb g/f in her bedroom. Having gone on for a while she began to moan some. Her parents came home unexpectedly. Her mom yelled in "what's wrong" just as she yelled "I'm cumming". Mom said ok see you down there thinking she meant coming downstairs. We barely got away with it. I ended up having to climb out the window onto the porch roof to leave so they wouldn't figure it out.
Morale of the story? Men, your teenage daughters are fucking whether you know it or not.
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Old 01-12-2019, 07:12 PM   #77
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Two true "headboard" stories... they just didn't happen to me.

The first one was my colleague from school. A few years earlier he had woken up with not only a hangover but with bruises on the top of his head. Turns out the party at his place the night before was a great one, he passed out in his bed, and his buddy proceeded to lay some girl onto the other side of the bed and fuck her brains out. His buddy's amorous onslaught repeatedly made my colleague's head slam against the backboard of his bed!

The second one was my wife's former acquaintance, who was a pretty redhead. My wife had recently broken her nose in a fall, and her pretty acquaintance shared her broken nose story too. She said her first husband(?)/fiancee/boyfriend was fucking her so hard once that her big tape deck/radio on top of the headboard of her bed fell off onto her face and broke her nose!

I guess these stories weren't funny when they happened...
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Old 01-13-2019, 01:27 AM   #78
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The best I can manage was the first day of the honeymoon with my first wife. We got to the hotel and then started some very enthusiastic fucking when the fire alarm went off. Thinking it would soon be sorted, we carried on fucking, but the alarm also carried on. Finally realising this might be serious, we stopped fucking, put some clothes on and got out. We were standing outside, horny as hell, in minimal clothing in winter, while Fire Engines roared up. There really had been a fire, fortunately a fairly small one, readily put out.

When we were allowed back to our room, we started to fuck again. That set the tenor for the honeymoon: go and see something, then back to the hotel for a another fuck. We were both desperate for sex, all the time.
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Old 01-13-2019, 03:01 AM   #79
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I was devouring a friends breasts (ohhh such wonderful twins they were) and I guess I gobbled up too much air whilst chowing down. I burped. No I belched. Big. But my face was buried between those two wonderous orbs, so it was a massive motorboating the likes of which neither of us had seen.. When I peeked up, slightly amused, she said "Well THAT was romantic!" Meaning the exact opposite. I was laughing so much she joined in. After it subsided, we continued, but with a bit of giggles now and then. Best woman in between the sheets I'll ever have.
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